Your Body Isn't Your Life's Work

And other radical thoughts from someone who spent way too many years thinking it was

I was debugging code at 2 AM when I caught my reflection in my laptop screen. And my first thought wasn't "damn, I need sleep" or "this startup life is unsustainable."

Nope. It was "ugh, my face looks so puffy."

That was the moment I realized I'd somehow managed to make even my workaholic lifestyle about my appearance. Like, congratulations Maya—you've successfully turned a tech crunch into another opportunity for self-criticism. Very efficient!

This was back in my Silicon Valley days, when I was optimizing everything: my code, my productivity, my morning routine, my meal prep. And yes, obsessively, my body. Because if you can A/B test user interfaces, surely you can A/B test yourself into the perfect human form, right?

Spoiler alert: you cannot.

But it took me years (and one spectacular burnout) to discover something called body neutrality. And honestly? It's been way more life-changing than any productivity hack I ever learned.

What body neutrality actually is (and isn't)

Let me start with what body neutrality is NOT, because the internet has some... interesting takes.

It's not giving up on health. It's not "letting yourself go" (whatever that even means). And it's definitely not pretending you're a floating consciousness with no physical form.

Here's what it actually is: treating your body like you'd treat a good friend's car that you're borrowing.

You'd put gas in it, not trash the interior, maybe even wash it before returning it. But you wouldn't spend hours obsessing over every tiny scratch or trade your entire paycheck for custom rims. You'd take care of it without making it your whole personality.

Body neutrality is basically that energy, but for the meat suit you're stuck with for life.

The technical definition? It's approaching your body from a place of function and feeling rather than form. But I prefer my car analogy because it cuts through the wellness industry BS.

And trust me, there's a LOT of BS to cut through.

Why "just love yourself" doesn't work (and why that's okay)

Can we talk about how exhausting the body positivity movement has become?

Don't get me wrong—the original intent was beautiful. Revolutionary, even. But somewhere along the way, it got twisted into this pressure to perform love for your body at all times. Like you're supposed to wake up every morning, look in the mirror, and basically propose to your reflection.

The problem is, most of us don't actually love everything about our bodies. And pretending we do feels... fake. Wrong. Like we're failing at yet another thing.

I tried the "love yourself" approach for months. Posted the affirmations. Did the mirror work. Told myself my cellulite was beautiful and my anxiety belly was worthy of love.

And you know what happened? I felt like I was lying to myself 80% of the time.

Because here's the thing: you don't have to love your body. You can just... coexist with it. Peacefully.

The magic of "meh"

My therapist introduced me to this concept that completely rewired my brain. She said, "What if the goal isn't to love your thighs, but to just... not think about them very much?"

Mind. Blown.

What if instead of swinging between hatred and forced love, you could just land somewhere in the middle? What if you could feel "meh" about your appearance and that could be... enough?

This was revolutionary for someone who'd spent decades ping-ponging between "I hate everything about myself" and "I must learn to love this body." (Spoiler: neither extreme was particularly pleasant to live in.)

The magic of "meh" is that it's sustainable. You can't maintain peak body love any more than you can maintain peak anything else. But meh? Meh is maintainable.

Meh is getting dressed without a 20-minute internal drama about your outfit. Meh is eating lunch without photographing it or calculating its impact on your abs. Meh is existing in your body without constantly auditing it.

Meh, it turns out, is freedom.

Practical steps for the chronically busy

Okay, so how do you actually get to meh when you're juggling deadlines, relationships, and the general chaos of modern life? Here are the strategies that actually moved the needle for me:

1. Audit your inputs (like you would any other system)

I know you've heard "curate your feed" before, but hear me out. This isn't about following more yoga accounts or whatever.

Take a week and notice—really notice—what triggers your body thoughts. Is it scrolling Instagram during your lunch break? That one friend who always talks about their new diet? The full-length mirror in your bedroom?

I realized my worst body image days correlated perfectly with opening LinkedIn (of all places). Seeing all these polished professional headshots made me spiral about my own appearance in ways that made no sense. So I moved the app off my home screen. Simple fix, massive impact.

2. Redirect your optimization energy

If you're reading this, chances are you're someone who likes to improve things. That energy doesn't have to disappear—just point it in a different direction.

Instead of optimizing for aesthetics, optimize for:

• How you feel during the day
• How well you sleep
• Your energy levels
• Your ability to focus
• Your recovery from stress

These are metrics that actually matter for your quality of life. And unlike appearance goals, you can feel the progress immediately.

3. Practice the "good enough" workout

This one's for my fellow perfectionists. You know that voice that says if you can't do a "proper" workout, you shouldn't do anything at all?

That voice is not your friend.

Some movement is always better than no movement, and some movement doesn't need to be optimized for maximum calorie burn or muscle confusion or whatever the fitness industry is selling today.

My "good enough" workouts include:

• Walking while on calls
• Dancing badly to one song in my kitchen
• Stretching while watching Netflix
• Taking the stairs when I remember to

None of these will get me Instagram-ready abs. All of them make me feel more human.

4. Diversify your self-concept portfolio

Here's some startup language you'll appreciate: you're way too heavily invested in the appearance market.

If how you look is your primary source of self-worth, that's like putting your entire retirement fund in one stock. Risky move, friend.

What else are you good at? What do you care about? What makes you... you?

I started keeping a list of non-appearance-based accomplishments. Made a client happy. Figured out a tricky bug. Listened well when a friend needed support. Tried a new recipe. Read a good book.

These things matter just as much as fitting into those jeans. Actually, they matter more.

5. Question the urgency

Our culture treats body improvement like it's an emergency. Like every day you don't have your ideal body is a day wasted.

But... why?

Why is it urgent to have smaller thighs? Why can't you enjoy dinner with friends while you're working on your relationship with food? Why does everything good have to wait until you reach some arbitrary physical goal?

The urgency is manufactured. Your life is happening right now, in the body you have today.

"But what about my health goals?"

I see you there, getting nervous that body neutrality means giving up on taking care of yourself. Let me ease your mind: it doesn't.

Body neutrality isn't anti-health. If anything, it's pro-sustainable health.

When you remove the desperation and shame from health choices, you tend to make better ones. You eat vegetables because they make you feel good, not because you're punishing yourself for yesterday's pizza. You exercise because it helps with stress, not because you're trying to earn the right to exist in public.

You can absolutely still have goals around strength, energy, sleep, or any other health marker. The difference is that your self-worth isn't riding on achieving them.

And aesthetic changes? They might happen as a side effect of caring for yourself. They might not. Either way, you're still a complete person worthy of good things.

What this actually looks like in real life

I wish I could tell you that body neutrality turned me into some zen goddess who never has appearance insecurities. That would be a great story, but it would also be a lie.

What it did do is give me room to breathe.

I still sometimes catch my reflection and think "ugh." But now that thought doesn't spiral into a day-long shame cycle or an emergency diet plan. It's just a thought. I acknowledge it and move on.

I still care how I look. But it's no longer the most interesting thing about me (to me).

I still have health goals. But they're about how I want to feel, not how I want to appear.

And maybe most importantly: I stopped waiting for my body to be "ready" before I did the things I wanted to do. Took a pottery class. Went dating. Wore that dress. Existed fully in my life instead of putting it on hold for some future, more acceptable version of myself.

Your body is not your life's work

Here's what I really want you to understand: your body is not your life's work.

It's the vessel for your life's work. The tool you use to create, connect, experience joy. But it's not the work itself.

You have limited time and energy on this planet. Every minute you spend obsessing over your appearance is a minute you're not spending on something that actually matters to you.

What would you do with all that mental bandwidth if you weren't constantly thinking about how you look? What would you create? How would you connect with people? What would you try?

Your body doesn't have to be perfect to deserve care. It doesn't have to be inspiring to deserve respect. It just has to be yours.

And "meh" about yours? That's not settling. That's freedom.

What's one thing you've been putting off until you "fix" your body? Seriously, drop it in the comments. Let's normalize doing things in imperfect bodies, because perfect ones don't exist anyway.