Why Your Self-Doubt Makes You a Better Coach
Last Tuesday, I froze during a client call.
Sarah had just told me she'd tried everything I'd suggested for three weeks—meal prep, morning walks, the whole shebang—and felt... nothing. Zero progress. Still exhausted, still stressed, still reaching for wine at 5 PM.
My brain went completely blank. Like, Windows blue-screen-of-death blank.
"Um," I said, buying time while my internal monologue screamed what kind of coach are you?! "Let me... think about this for a second."
Here's what I wish I'd known earlier: That moment of not knowing? That crushing weight of uncertainty? It wasn't my weakness—it was my superpower.
The Dirty Secret About "Expert" Coaches
The coaching world has this weird obsession with appearing like we've got it all figured out. Scroll LinkedIn and you'll see coaches posting about their "proven systems" and "guaranteed results."
But here's what they won't tell you: The best coaches I know—the ones whose clients actually transform—they doubt themselves constantly.
Not in a paralyzing, anxiety-spiral way. More like... productive skepticism. They question their assumptions. They test their theories. They're comfortable saying "I might be wrong about this."
It's basically the opposite of what we're taught to project as "experts."
My Engineering Brain Meets Coaching Reality
Before I became a coach, I spent eight years debugging code. And debugging taught me something crucial: The fastest way to solve problems is to systematically prove yourself wrong.
When code breaks, you don't defend your original logic. You assume your logic is flawed and work backwards from there. You test one variable at a time. You expect failures—because failures give you data.
Coaching humans is eerily similar, except humans are infinitely more complex than any codebase. So why do we expect to get it "right" on the first try?
Four Ways to Debug Your Coaching (And Why Uncertainty Rocks)
1. Practice the "I Could Be Wrong" Mantra
Remember Dr. Helen Kolias from the original article? She checks PubMed even when someone says something that sounds completely bonkers. That's not weakness—that's intellectual courage.
I started doing this after the Sarah incident. Now when clients share their struggles, I literally ask myself: "What if everything I think I know about this is wrong?"
Last month, a client insisted he was "addicted to sugar" and needed to quit cold turkey. Old me would've launched into my standard "all-or-nothing thinking" lecture.
Instead, I got curious. What if he was right? What if, for him, moderation really was harder than elimination?
We tested it. Turns out, he thrived with a strict no-dessert approach for 30 days, then gradually reintroduced sweets with way more awareness and control.
My original assumption—that restriction always backfires—was wrong for this particular human.
2. Develop Your BS Detector (Including Your Own)
Here's an uncomfortable truth: There's as much garbage advice in the coaching world as anywhere else. Maybe more, because transformation sells.
I use what I call the "Scientist vs. Salesperson" test:
Scientists say things like:
- "Based on what we know so far..."
- "This worked for X% of people in this specific study..."
- "We need more data to be sure..."
Salespeople say things like:
- "This ONE weird trick will change your life!"
- "I've cracked the code to..."
- "This works for EVERYONE!"
When I catch myself sounding like a salesperson—promising magic bullets or universal solutions—I know I'm probably about to oversell and under-deliver.
3. Get Comfortable with "It Depends"
This phrase used to make me cringe. Clients want answers, not more questions, right?
Wrong. Clients want tools that actually work for their weird, complex lives.
When Marcus asked if he should eat breakfast, my knee-jerk response was "yes, absolutely!" Because breakfast is important! Metabolism! Blood sugar stability!
But then I paused. Marcus travels constantly for work, often across time zones. He doesn't get hungry until noon. He's been intermittently fasting accidentally for years and feels great.
"It depends," I told him. "Let's figure out what works for YOUR schedule and YOUR body."
We designed a flexible eating window that adapted to his travel. Six months later, he's down 20 pounds and has more energy than he's had in years.
4. Turn Everything Into an Experiment
This is where my tech background really shines. In software, we A/B test everything. Different buttons, different colors, different copy—we test it all to see what actually works.
Why don't we do this with life changes?
Now I frame almost everything as an experiment with my clients:
"Let's try meal prepping for two weeks and see how you feel." "What if we experimented with cutting out news before bed?" "I'm curious what would happen if you said no to one social obligation this week."
The word "experiment" is magic. It removes the pressure to be perfect and makes failure informative instead of devastating.
When experiments "fail," we don't spiral. We debug. We ask: What did we learn? What would we adjust next time?
The Sarah Plot Twist
Remember Sarah from the beginning? The client who tried everything and felt nothing?
After sitting with my uncertainty for a moment, I did something radical: I told her I was stumped.
"Sarah, I honestly don't know why you're not seeing results yet. But I'm curious to figure it out with you. Can we dig deeper into what's actually happening during those morning walks? How are you feeling right before you reach for wine? What's your sleep really like?"
Turns out, she'd been forcing herself on 6 AM walks (which she hated) while averaging 5 hours of sleep. The wine wasn't stress relief—it was her only daily pleasure after grinding through activities that felt like punishment.
We scrapped everything and started over. Evening walks while listening to podcasts she loved. Eight hours of sleep as the non-negotiable foundation. Wine became a mindful Friday ritual instead of a daily escape.
Three weeks later, she texted me: "I finally feel like myself again."
That breakthrough happened because I admitted uncertainty, not despite it.
Your Turn to Get Comfortable with Not Knowing
If you're a coach (or human) who thinks you need all the answers before you can help people, I've got news for you: You'll be waiting forever.
The answers emerge through the relationship. Through trial and error. Through being brave enough to say "I don't know, but let's find out together."
Your clients don't need you to be perfect. They need you to be present, curious, and willing to figure things out alongside them.
So here's my challenge: This week, try saying "I might be wrong about this" in one conversation. See what happens when you lead with curiosity instead of certainty.
I bet you'll discover what I did—that admitting you don't know everything is the first step to learning anything.
And if that feels terrifying? Good. That's your growth edge talking.
What's one thing you're absolutely certain about in your coaching practice? Drop a comment below and let's explore how you might be wrong about it. (I'll go first in the comments with something I was dead wrong about last month.)
