Why I Stopped Fighting My Fat Self (And Finally Won)

I used to think my relationship with my body was like being stuck in a bad marriage where divorce wasn't an option.

You know that feeling? Where you're constantly criticizing, negotiating, and making empty promises to change? "Monday I'll be different," you swear, while secretly ordering Thai food at 11 PM because life is hard and pad thai understands you better than your jeans do.

But here's the plot twist nobody talks about: what if the problem isn't your willpower, your metabolism, or your apparent inability to resist office donuts?

What if the problem is that you're trying to become someone you're not instead of becoming a better version of who you already are?

The Backwards Truth About Lasting Change

I recently read about three health coaches who lost between 80-120 pounds each. What struck me wasn't their amazing transformations (though kudos to them), but something more subtle in their stories.

None of them succeeded by becoming discipline warriors who meal-prepped on Sundays and never ate carbs again.

They succeeded by doing something that sounds almost... lazy?

They stopped fighting themselves.

Stay with me here, because this goes against everything we've been taught about weight loss requiring military-level discipline and the emotional intelligence of a zen master.

Three Things Nobody Tells You About Sustainable Change

1. Your Future Self Isn't Thinner – They're Just More Honest

One coach talked about envisioning his "future self," but here's what caught my attention: his vision wasn't about having six-pack abs or fitting into skinny jeans from 2009.

His vision was about being the kind of person who didn't lie to himself.

Think about it. How many times have you told yourself "I'll start tomorrow" or "this is my last cheat meal" or "I'm definitely going to the gym after work" while already knowing deep down that Netflix and leftover pizza were calling your name?

Your future self isn't necessarily thinner. Your future self is just done with the exhausting mental gymnastics of pretending you're going to be someone you're not.

Instead of asking "What would skinny me do?" try asking "What would honest me do?"

Honest me admits that I'm going to want ice cream sometimes. Honest me plans for that instead of pretending it won't happen and then feeling like a failure when it inevitably does.

2. Small Actions Beat Perfect Plans (Every Damn Time)

Here's where it gets interesting. Another coach mentioned focusing on actions over outcomes, but I think he buried the lede.

It's not just about focusing on actions – it's about focusing on laughably small actions that your self-sabotage brain can't even be bothered to resist.

You know how your brain works, right? It's like having a toddler and a CEO sharing office space. The CEO makes grand plans about eating quinoa salads and doing hot yoga. The toddler sees a cookie and all bets are off.

But here's the hack: toddlers don't rebel against things that seem insignificant.

Instead of "I'm going to work out for an hour every day," try "I'm going to put on my workout clothes." That's it. You don't even have to exercise. Just put on the clothes.

Your brain's resistance mechanism doesn't activate for something that small. And once you're in workout clothes, well... sometimes you end up moving around a little. Not because you forced yourself, but because you removed the friction.

I started my own changes by committing to drinking one glass of water before my morning coffee. Not eight glasses a day, not replacing coffee with water – just one glass first.

Took all of thirty seconds. But it created this tiny moment each morning where I was already taking care of myself before the day's chaos began. That feeling? It's addictive in the best possible way.

3. Your "Weaknesses" Aren't Bugs – They're Features

This is the one that really messed with my head. One of the coaches refused to give up fast food during his weight loss journey. Instead of seeing this as a character flaw to overcome, he worked WITH it.

What if your so-called weaknesses aren't things to eliminate but things to optimize?

I love bread. Like, I have genuine emotional relationships with specific bagels. For years, I treated this as a moral failing. I'd go on these dramatic bread-free streaks, white-knuckling through social events and feeling virtuous yet miserable.

Then I tried a different approach: What if I kept eating bread, but made it work for me instead of against me?

Now I eat really good bread, slowly, and pay attention to it instead of mindlessly inhaling it while scrolling Instagram. I buy expensive sourdough from the fancy bakery because if I'm going to eat bread anyway, might as well make it count.

Turns out, when you're actually present for your indulgences, you need less of them to feel satisfied. Who knew?

The "Good Enough" Framework That Actually Works

Forget about optimal. Forget about perfect. Let's talk about sustainable.

Here's what I wish someone had told me years ago:

Start with your real life, not your aspirational life.

Your real life includes:

• That Wednesday evening when you're too tired to cook
• The fact that you actually like some processed foods
• Your tendency to stress-eat during busy periods
• Your complete inability to meal prep like those Instagram people

Instead of making plans for the person you wish you were, make plans for the person you actually are.

Build in your predictable "failures."

If you know you're going to want takeout on Wednesdays, don't pretend you won't. Plan for it. Find the healthiest options from your favorite places. Or cook extra on Tuesday nights.

If you know you stress-eat chocolate, don't keep telling yourself you'll develop supernatural willpower. Buy really good dark chocolate and eat it mindfully instead of whatever's in the office break room.

Adjust your effort dial based on your actual capacity.

Some days you have bandwidth for elaborate self-care. Other days you have bandwidth for putting on pants and showing up to your own life. Both are valid.

The goal isn't to maintain maximum effort all the time (that's a recipe for burnout). The goal is to maintain some effort consistently.

Why This Approach Feels Scary (But Works)

I know what you're thinking. "Maya, this sounds suspiciously like giving up on having standards."

I get it. We've been conditioned to believe that accepting our limitations means settling for mediocrity.

But here's what I've noticed: when you stop fighting yourself, you actually have more energy for changing in ways that matter.

When I stopped trying to become a person who never wanted cookies, I had mental space to become a person who could eat one cookie and be satisfied instead of eating six while feeling guilty about it.

When I stopped forcing myself into workout routines I hated, I found movement I actually enjoyed.

The weird paradox? Accepting who I am made it easier to become who I wanted to be.

Your Turn to Stop Fighting

So here's my challenge for you: For the next week, stop trying to override your basic personality and start working with it.

Pick ONE tiny thing you can do consistently that moves you in the direction you want to go. Not the biggest thing, not the most impressive thing – the thing you can actually do without activating your internal resistance.

Maybe it's taking three deep breaths before eating. Maybe it's parking farther away. Maybe it's buying the good salad mix instead of lettuce you'll never wash.

And here's the crucial part: give yourself permission to half-ass it sometimes.

Done badly is better than not done at all.

Because sustainable change isn't about becoming perfect. It's about becoming someone who keeps showing up, even when it's messy, even when it's imperfect, even when you're definitely not the person you thought you'd need to become.

Trust me on this one – your future self will thank you for finally being on the same team.

What's your one ridiculously small step going to be?