Stop Managing Stress. Start Curating It.

Here's the thing nobody tells you about stress management: most of it is complete garbage.

I spent three years as a product manager at a tech unicorn, meditating in bathroom stalls between meetings and doing breathing exercises while my project timelines exploded. Every wellness article told me the same thing: reduce stress, eliminate stressors, create boundaries.

Cool. Except my most meaningful achievements came from the exact opposite approach.

The promotion I fought for? Stressful as hell, but it taught me to advocate for myself. The side project that became my coaching business? Started during my most overwhelming period at work. That difficult conversation with my co-founder? Led to the strongest partnership I've ever had.

What if we've got stress completely backwards?

The Stress Curation Revolution

Think about wine for a second. A sommelier doesn't avoid all wine because some bottles taste like vinegar. They develop a sophisticated palate to distinguish between complexity and actual problems. They know which wines improve with age and which ones should be consumed immediately.

We need to become stress sommeliers.

Instead of this binary "stress bad, no stress good" mindset, what if we approached stress like curating an art collection? Some pieces challenge us in beautiful ways. Others are just ugly and need to go.

The Norwegian death metal example from recent research isn't just cute - it's profound. What sounds like audio torture to me might be exactly what you need to decompress. Same stimulus, totally different response. The magic isn't in the thing itself, it's in the relationship between you and the thing.

My Accidental Stress Experiment

Last year, I accidentally ran the perfect stress experiment on myself.

I was launching my coaching certification while dealing with a family crisis while moving apartments. Classic recipe for a breakdown, right? Old me would've canceled everything and hidden under blankets with Netflix.

Instead, I got curious. Which of these stressors actually served me?

The certification launch? Terrifying but aligned with my values - kept it. The family crisis? Not optional - developed better boundaries and communication skills. The apartment hunt? Pure bullshit stress that I was inflicting on myself because I "should" live somewhere fancier - immediately lowered my standards and found a perfectly good place in two days.

Same three-week period, completely different relationship with each stressor.

Here's what I learned: The goal isn't to eliminate stress. It's to become really, really good at telling the difference between stress that grows you and stress that just grinds you down.

The Stress Curation Framework

I've been testing this approach with my coaching clients for months now. Here's the framework that's actually working:

Step 1: The Stress Audit (But Make It Real)

List your current stressors. All of them. The big obvious ones and the weird little ones that bug you more than they should.

Now ask yourself these questions for each one:

• Is this stress optional? (Be brutally honest)
• Does this connect to something I actually care about?
• Am I learning something valuable, even if it sucks right now?
• Is this stress finite or endless?

Step 2: Embrace, Eliminate, or Redesign

Embrace: These are your growth-edge stressors. The scary presentation that'll advance your career. The difficult relationship conversation that could deepen intimacy. The creative project that might fail but could also be amazing.

Eliminate: The pointless stressors you're choosing out of habit or people-pleasing. Toxic relationships. Commitments that don't align with your values. The news cycle (seriously, stop doom-scrolling).

Redesign: The necessary stressors that could be approached differently. Maybe you can't eliminate work deadlines, but you can change how you prepare for them.

Step 3: Build Your Stress Response Toolkit

This is where most advice gets it right. You do need coping strategies. But instead of generic "just breathe" advice, build a personalized toolkit based on what actually works for your nervous system.

My toolkit includes:

• Aggressive house music for when I need energy
• Long bike rides for processing difficult emotions
• Texting my sister terrible memes when I'm overwhelmed
• The 4-7-8 breathing technique (inhale 4, hold 7, exhale 8)
• Canceling plans without guilt when I need space

What works for you might be completely different. The point is having options.

Let's Get Real About "Stress Flexibility"

The research talks about "stress flexibility" - basically being able to amp up when you need focus and chill out when you need rest.

But here's what they don't tell you: this takes practice, and you're gonna suck at it initially.

I used to be either completely wired or completely crashed. No in-between. It took months of experimenting to find my switches. Now I can get myself hyped for a podcast interview and genuinely relaxed for sleep on the same day.

The trick is treating your nervous system like a muscle you're training, not a wild animal you're trying to tame.

The Plot Twist

Want to know the weirdest part about becoming a stress curator? You actually end up with less stress overall.

When you stop wasting energy on pointless stressors and develop real skills for handling the meaningful ones, your capacity increases. Things that used to feel overwhelming become interesting challenges.

I'm not saying this to be motivational-poster-y. I'm saying it because it's genuinely surprising and nobody warns you that getting better at stress might make you seek out bigger challenges.

My coaching business is more demanding than my corporate job ever was. But it's my demanding. The stress serves something I care about instead of just... existing.

Your Turn (And Please Don't Make This Weird)

I'm not going to end this with some inspiration-porn call-to-action about becoming a stress warrior. That's not the point.

The point is: you probably already know which stresses in your life are bullshit and which ones are connected to your growth. You just might not have given yourself permission to treat them differently.

So here's my actual challenge: Pick one pointless stressor and eliminate it this week. Just one. See how that feels.

And pick one meaningful stressor you've been avoiding and take the tiniest possible step toward it.

Then report back. What did you learn about your own stress curation style?

Because here's the final plot twist: the goal was never to manage stress perfectly. It was to develop a more interesting relationship with challenge itself.

What's one stress you're ready to eliminate and one you're ready to embrace? Hit reply and let me know - I read every response.