Stop Apologizing for Wanting Sleep

Picture this: You're standing in your kitchen at 3 AM, swaying back and forth with a baby who's been up every two hours for the past six months. You're so tired you're not entirely sure if you're awake or having a fever dream about being awake. And somewhere in your sleep-addled brain, you think: "Maybe I should just let them cry it out?"

Then—BOOM—the guilt hits harder than that double espresso you had at 2 PM (which, let's be honest, was probably a mistake).

"What kind of parent am I for wanting sleep? Shouldn't I be willing to sacrifice everything for my child?"

Hold up. Stop right there.

The Guilt Game Nobody Wins

I need to tell you something that might sound radical: Wanting sleep doesn't make you selfish. Needing rest doesn't make you a bad parent. And honestly? This whole "suffer in silence" approach to parenting is helping exactly nobody.

We've somehow convinced ourselves that good parenting requires martyrdom. That if we're not completely exhausted, we're not doing it right. It's like we've all joined some weird cult where the membership fee is paid in interrupted REM cycles.

But here's what I learned the hard way (and by hard way, I mean after I once tried to put the baby in the fridge and the milk in the crib): A well-rested parent is a better parent. Period.

When I Hit My Breaking Point

Let me paint you a picture of where I was two years ago. My second kid, Sam, was eight months old and still waking up every 90 minutes. Every. Single. Night. My older daughter wasn't sleeping through the night either because, well, why would she when there's a baby crying next door?

I was existing on maybe three hours of broken sleep. I'd started hallucinating that the shadows in my peripheral vision were people walking around. I once spent ten minutes looking for my phone while talking on it. And don't even get me started on the time I put salt in my coffee instead of sugar and didn't notice until the third sip.

My partner would suggest sleep training, and I'd immediately shut it down. "Sam will learn eventually," I'd say, while secretly wondering if "eventually" meant when he left for college.

The breaking point came when I fell asleep while standing up—yes, standing up—during a playdate. My friend had to catch me as I started to topple over. That's when she grabbed my shoulders and said, "Maya, this isn't sustainable. And it's not helping Sam either."

She was right. God, she was so right.

Sleep Isn't Selfish—It's Strategic

Here's what nobody tells you about sleep deprivation: it doesn't just affect you. It affects your entire family ecosystem.

When you're running on fumes, you're more likely to:

• Lose patience with everyone (including yourself)
• Make questionable decisions (like giving a toddler juice at bedtime because you can't handle the tantrum)
• Feel overwhelmed by simple tasks
• Struggle to enjoy the actual fun parts of parenting

And your kids? They're picking up on all of this. They can sense your stress, your exhaustion, your barely-contained chaos. Children thrive on routine and calm energy—two things that are pretty hard to provide when you haven't had more than two consecutive hours of sleep in months.

But when everyone's sleeping well? It's like someone waved a magic wand over your house. Suddenly you remember why you wanted kids in the first place. You have patience for bedtime stories. You can actually enjoy weekend mornings instead of just surviving them.

The Science Behind Why This Matters

Look, I'm not a scientist, but I can read studies (okay, fine, I usually just read the summaries), and the research is crystal clear: sleep deprivation is no joke.

Adults need around 7-9 hours of sleep to function properly. When we don't get it, our bodies and brains start throwing little tantrums. Our immune systems get cranky. Our ability to regulate emotions goes out the window. We make worse decisions, we're more accident-prone, and we're generally less pleasant to be around.

And our kids? They need even more sleep than we do. A well-rested baby is typically:

• Happier during awake times
• Better at learning and developing
• More adaptable to changes in routine
• Easier to soothe when upset

So when you're considering sleep training, you're not choosing between your needs and your child's needs. You're recognizing that everyone's needs actually align.

Sleep is a Skill, Not a Personality Trait

This was the revelation that changed everything for me: sleep isn't something some babies are just "naturally good at" while others are doomed to be terrible sleepers forever. Sleep is a learned skill, like riding a bike or using scissors or convincing a toddler to wear pants.

Some kids pick it up quickly, others need more practice. But with the right approach, almost every child can learn to sleep through the night.

When I finally started sleep training Sam, I felt guilty for about... oh, three days. By day four, when he slept for a six-hour stretch, I felt like I'd discovered fire. By week two, when we were all sleeping through the night, I wanted to write thank-you cards to every sleep expert who'd ever existed.

But What About the Crying?

I know, I know. This is where a lot of parents hit the wall. Nobody wants to listen to their baby cry. It goes against every parental instinct we have.

Here's the thing though: there's a difference between crying because something is wrong (hunger, discomfort, illness) and crying because they're learning a new skill. Think about it—kids cry when they're learning to walk too. They get frustrated, they fall down, they protest. But we don't carry them everywhere forever because walking is a valuable skill.

There are also lots of gentle approaches to sleep training that minimize crying. You don't have to go full "cry it out" if that doesn't feel right for your family. The key is finding an approach that works for YOUR situation.

The Permission You've Been Waiting For

So here it is, the permission you maybe didn't know you needed: You are allowed to want sleep. You are allowed to need rest. You are allowed to prioritize your family's overall wellbeing over the judgment of people who think parental exhaustion is a badge of honor.

You're not selfish for wanting to wake up feeling human. You're not a bad parent for teaching your child an essential life skill. You're not weak for admitting that you can't function on two hours of sleep indefinitely.

Making It Work for Your Family

Every family's sleep training journey looks different. Maybe you go with a gentle check-in method. Maybe you try chair sleeping where you gradually move further from the crib each night. Maybe you work with a sleep consultant who can guide you through the process.

The important thing isn't the specific method—it's the mindset shift. You're not doing this TO your child; you're doing it FOR your entire family.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• What does your current sleep situation look like, and how is it affecting everyone?
• What are your biggest fears about sleep training, and are they rational concerns or guilt talking?
• What would good sleep mean for your family's daily life?

The Plot Twist Nobody Saw Coming

Want to know the craziest part of our sleep training journey? Sam actually seemed... relieved. Like he'd been waiting for us to show him how to sleep well. Once he learned the skill, he became a happier baby overall. More smiles, better naps, easier bedtimes.

It turns out that good sleep wasn't just what I needed—it was what he needed too. Who would've thought?

Your Move, Tired Parent

If you're reading this while bouncing a baby at 2 AM, or while your toddler climbs into your bed for the fourth time tonight, I want you to know: there's another way.

You don't have to suffer through years of sleep deprivation. You don't have to feel guilty for wanting rest. You don't have to apologize for prioritizing your family's wellbeing.

And if anyone tries to make you feel bad about sleep training? Well, you can tell them to take it up with your well-rested, happy family.

What's your biggest fear about starting sleep training? Have you been carrying guilt about wanting more sleep? Drop a comment below—I'd love to hear your story and maybe share some encouragement from someone who's been exactly where you are.

Sweet dreams (yes, that's going to be you soon), Maya

P.S. - If you're currently surviving on less than four hours of sleep, please don't operate heavy machinery. Or make any major life decisions. Or try to do mental math. Actually, maybe just stick to the basics until you get some rest.