I Spent $50K Optimizing My Health and All I Got Was This Anxiety Disorder

And why your messy, imperfect health routine is probably better than my "perfect" one

Three years ago, I was the person you'd hate at dinner parties. You know the type — the one who'd pull out a glucose monitor before eating dessert, who knew their VO2 max but couldn't remember the last time they laughed until their stomach hurt, who spent more on supplements than most people spend on groceries.

I had it all figured out. Morning routine? 90 minutes of optimization bliss including cold plunging, red light therapy, and meditation (timed to the second, obviously). Diet? Perfectly macro-balanced, organic, locally-sourced everything. Sleep? Eight hours of tracked, optimized, supplement-enhanced slumber in a 65-degree room with blackout curtains and white noise.

I was peak human performance incarnate. I was also the most anxious, socially isolated, and ironically unhealthy person I knew.

Here's what nobody talks about in the wellness optimization world: the pursuit of perfect health can make you perfectly miserable.

The Optimization Trap: Why We're All Addicted to Complicated Solutions

Let me guess — you've fallen down the longevity rabbit hole too, haven't you? Started with a podcast (probably Huberman), moved on to some biohacker's protocol, and now you're wondering if you need to start tracking your HRV and doing ice baths to achieve true wellness.

I get it. I really get it. There's something seductive about the promise that if we just follow the right protocol, track the right metrics, and buy the right supplements, we can hack our way to superhuman health. It feels like we're taking control, being proactive, investing in our future selves.

But here's the thing that took me way too long to realize: we're optimizing for the wrong metrics.

The wellness industry has convinced us that health is complicated, that "basic" isn't enough, that we need cutting-edge interventions to achieve what our grandparents managed with common sense. They've turned health into a competitive sport where the person with the most elaborate morning routine wins.

Bullshit.

What Actually Works (Spoiler: It's Boring AF)

After spending five years optimizing everything and feeling worse than when I started, I did something radical: I looked at the actual data. Not the cherry-picked studies from supplement companies or the n=1 experiments from biohackers, but the large-scale, long-term research on what keeps people healthy and alive.

Turns out, the stuff that works is mind-numbingly simple:

1. Move Your Body (But You Don't Need to Suffer)

The research is clear: any movement is better than no movement. That study of 28,000 adults? Every additional 1,000 steps per day reduced death risk by 12%. Not 10,000 perfect, optimized steps while maintaining a specific heart rate zone. Just... walking.

I used to spend 2+ hours a day on "optimal" exercise protocols. Now? I walk everywhere I can, do 20 minutes of strength training 3x a week, and dance badly in my kitchen while cooking. My biomarkers are basically the same, but my life satisfaction is through the roof.

2. Eat Real Food (Most of the Time)

Here's what broke my brain: you don't need to eat "perfectly" to be healthy. The magic number isn't 100% whole foods — it's around 70-80%. That leaves room for birthday cake, Friday night pizza, and whatever your soul needs without guilt.

I spent years obsessing over every ingredient, avoiding social gatherings because restaurants didn't have "clean" options, and feeling anxious every time I wanted something that wasn't on my approved food list. Turns out, the stress of eating "perfectly" was probably worse for my health than just eating the damn cookie occasionally.

3. Sleep Like a Human, Not a Robot

Yes, 7-9 hours is ideal. No, you don't need a $500 sleep tracking device, blackout curtains that cost more than rent, and seventeen different supplements to achieve it.

Good sleep hygiene basics: consistent bedtime, cool room, no screens for an hour before bed, and — here's the kicker — not stressing about it when it's not perfect. Some nights you'll get 6 hours. Some nights your neighbor's dog will bark. Life happens. One bad night won't kill you.

4. Don't Be an Asshole to Your Stress

Plot twist: trying to eliminate all stress is stressful. The goal isn't to live in a zen bubble — it's to build resilience and have healthy ways to cope when life inevitably gets chaotic.

My expensive meditation app and daily journaling practice? Helpful sometimes. But you know what's been more effective? Calling a friend when I'm overwhelmed, going for a walk without my phone, and accepting that some degree of stress is normal and even beneficial.

The Hidden Costs of Perfectionism

Let's talk about what the optimization gurus don't mention: the opportunity costs.

Time: My morning routine used to take 2 hours. Two. Hours. Every. Day. That's 730 hours per year — more than 4 full work weeks — spent optimizing my body instead of, I don't know, living my life.

Money: Conservative estimate? I spent $50,000 over 5 years on optimization. Supplements, devices, tests, coaches, retreats. That's a down payment on a house, people.

Mental Energy: The cognitive load of tracking everything, making sure I hit all my targets, researching the latest protocols — it was exhausting. I had decision fatigue about my health decisions before I even got to the actual life decisions.

Social Connection: Ever try to maintain close relationships while refusing to eat at 90% of restaurants, leaving social gatherings early for your sleep schedule, and constantly talking about your latest health protocol? Yeah, it doesn't go well.

And here's the kicker: social connection is one of the strongest predictors of longevity. So in trying to optimize my physical health, I was actively damaging one of the most important factors for living longer. The irony wasn't lost on me.

A Framework for Sustainable Health (That Won't Ruin Your Life)

After my optimization burnout, I developed what I call the "80/20 Wellness Rule" — stolen shamelessly from business because, hey, former tech exec here.

80% of the time: Do the basics consistently. Walk daily, eat mostly whole foods, get decent sleep, manage stress in healthy ways, maintain relationships, don't smoke, limit alcohol.

20% of the time: Live your life. Stay up late with friends, eat the pasta, sleep in on weekends, have the extra glass of wine at your anniversary dinner.

This isn't about being perfect. It's about being consistent with the things that actually matter while leaving room for being human.

The Basics That Actually Move the Needle:

Movement: 150 minutes of moderate exercise per week (that's roughly 20 minutes a day), plus 2 strength sessions. This can be walking, dancing, cleaning your house aggressively — whatever gets your heart rate up.

Food: Eat 5 servings of fruits/vegetables daily, get enough protein (roughly 0.8-1.2g per kg of body weight), and make 70-80% of your calories from minimally processed foods. The other 20-30%? Live your life.

Sleep: Aim for 7-9 hours most nights. Have a consistent bedtime. Keep your room cool. Don't stress about the nights it doesn't work out.

Stress Management: Find what works for you — could be meditation, could be screaming along to Taylor Swift in your car. The key is having multiple tools and using them before you're completely overwhelmed.

Social Connection: Maintain 3-5 close relationships. Actually call people back. Show up for your friends. This isn't optional.

Don't Be Stupid: Wear sunscreen, buckle your seatbelt, don't smoke, get regular checkups. Basic risk reduction isn't sexy, but falling off your bike without a helmet isn't either.

Why "Good Enough" Is Actually Perfect

Here's what I wish someone had told me five years ago: the healthiest people aren't the ones doing everything perfectly. They're the ones doing good things consistently while still enjoying their lives.

You know who lives longer? People who laugh regularly, maintain close relationships, have a sense of purpose, and yeah, take care of their basic health. Not people who can recite their HRV scores but haven't had an unscheduled dinner with friends in months.

The research backs this up. That massive Harvard study that's been following people for 87 years? The biggest predictor of longevity wasn't VO2 max or perfect biomarkers — it was strong relationships.

Your Action Plan (That Won't Take Over Your Life)

1. Pick ONE thing from the basics list above that you're not currently doing consistently. Just one. Master it for a month before adding anything else.
2. Set "good enough" standards. Instead of "I'll work out for 90 minutes every day," try "I'll move my body for 20 minutes, 5 days a week." Instead of "I'll never eat processed food," try "I'll eat a vegetable with every meal."
3. Track your wins, not your failures. Did you walk for 15 minutes instead of your planned 30? That's a win, not a failure.
4. Build in flexibility. Plan for life to happen. Have backup plans. If you can't make it to the gym, have a 10-minute home routine. If you're traveling, know which basics you can maintain and which ones you'll let slide.
5. Remember why you're doing this. You want to be healthy so you can enjoy your life more, not so you can spend your life being healthy.

The Bottom Line

I'm healthier now doing the "basics" consistently than I ever was during my optimization phase. My blood work is great, I sleep well, I have energy, and — here's the kicker — I actually enjoy my life again.

I still track some things, but loosely. I still take a few supplements, but only ones with solid research behind them (and that I can afford without stress). I still prioritize my health, but not at the expense of everything else that makes life worth living.

The wellness industry wants you to believe that health is complicated, that you need their products and protocols to achieve "optimal" wellness. But optimal isn't the goal — sustainable is.

Your messy, imperfect health routine that you actually stick to? That's worth more than any perfectly optimized protocol that burns you out after three months.

So here's my challenge: this week, instead of adding something new to optimize your health, focus on doing one basic thing consistently. Take a 10-minute walk. Eat a vegetable. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Call a friend.

Your future self will thank you. And unlike my optimized-to-death former self, they'll actually be around to enjoy it.

What's your relationship with wellness optimization? Are you stuck in the perfection trap, or have you found your own "good enough" balance? I'd love to hear your stories — the messy, imperfect, beautifully human ones especially.